Me and my Christmas... Father Christmas

Monday 25 December 2017

For today’s ‘Me and my Christmas…’ there was only one person we could go to: Father Christmas.

Known by a string of aliases around the world including Santa Claus, St Nicholas, St Basil, Father Frost, and Chimney John he agreed to do an exclusive interview with Express, provided we kept his true identity and address a secret.

“I sometimes feel people don’t realise how hard I work. I spend a whole year preparing for a night of whirlwind activity travelling the globe on my sleigh drawn by my team of reliable reindeers delivering presents to well-deserving children”, he told our interviewer over a glass of mulled wine and mince pies inside his workshop surrounded by elves labelling the numerous presents whilst wrap music was playing loudly in the background. “Many people wonder how I manage to get my deliveries done, but they don’t realise that because of the various time zones I have almost two days to get my work done.”

“I really need to go on diet”, he said tucking into his fifth mince pie and knocking back another glass of mulled wine. “It really is challenging trying to squeeze down chimneys these days – I’m not as fit as I used to be. And, as the years have gone on I’m becoming more and more Claustrophobic”.

Asked about any other ‘elf and safety problems he’s encountered his mind went back to the occasion when Christmas almost didn’t happen. A snowstorm threatened to ground his sleigh because, his reindeers, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen couldn’t see where they we going. Fortunately Rudolph – whom the team had previously laughed at for being different – saved the day. With his red nose he was able to light the way. Since then he’s become a valued and reliable member of the team.

There was a knowing nod, when our reporter asked him whether he felt Christmas was becoming too commercial. “Yes, I do. I’m also concerned about the number of imposters who are dressing up and trying to take my job from me. I’m tempted to take them to court, but I’d have go public with my name and address and that would blow my cover.”

With time fast running out, our investigative reporter put it to Santa that many don’t believe he really exists. “How else do they explain all the presents arriving on Christmas morning?” and with that passing comment, there was just time for him to finish off his tenth mince pie and mulled wine, close the workshop door behind him, and head off through the swirling snow to feed the reindeer ahead of yet another year of deliveries.