But, MOST IMPORTANTLY, let’s just quickly address something that you mentioned in your letter: I have not had my “fair share of dating mishaps”.

I would like the record to reflect that just because I’ve been brave enough to raise awareness about the perils of single life these days doesn’t mean I’m some dating klutz.

I’m a relationship guru, a lifestyle coach and a Pilates teacher (in training) so kindly put some respect on my name.  

A serious condition

Okay, now that vital editorial correction is out of the way, let’s get onto your dilemma. I take the ick very seriously. It has ruined lives, marriages and the dating prospects of several formerly eligible bachelors.  

I remember a time when I was seeing this lawyer who made me feel like I was Meghan Markle on the set of ‘Suits’. We were having so much fun together and then I saw him apply chapstick like my Nan puts on lipstick and I broke up with him on the spot.  

Oh, and another time when I met this very cute barber – ugh, he was so dreamy. But as soon as he started talking to me about his crypto wallet, even his beauty wasn’t enough to save him. Dumped him pronto. 

AND! Gosh, I’d forgotten about the librarian who just loved being barefoot all the time, the accountant who chewed with his mouth open, the architect who was SUCH a fussy eater and the gynaecologist who, well, was a gynaecologist. 

Okay, now that I think about it, maybe I have had my fair share of dating mishaps...  

But this isn’t about me! This about your serious case of the ick. Listen, you took great pains in your letter to talk about what an amazing boyfriend this guy is, but something feels off to me.

All about instinct

Some people say that the ick is unkind, picky and setting unrealistic standards in the world of dating. But you know as well as I do that I am not like ‘some people’. I’m Fenella Bond, and do you know what I think?  

I think the ick is just your instinct kicking in about this guy. I promise you that if it wasn’this Mile-High Curtain Call, then it would have been something else.

There’s something in your gut that is telling you that this relationship isn’t right for you, and you need to move on to better things. So, my advice: kick that cringey clapping creep to the kerb! 

And when you do start dating again, here’s a handy list of other icks to be wary of (it’s a jungle out there). If he: 

• Refers to boats, cars or motorbikes as 'she'
• Calls his mother 'mummy' or worse, by her Christian name
• Falls over in public for any reason
• Uses Times New Roman as his font of choice
• Has those socks which have the days of the week on and wears each pair on their corresponding day
• Has a weird obsession with vintage starlets like Marilyn Monroe or Amelia Earhart
• Says his favourite film is 'The Wolf of Wall Street' (Translation: he hates women)
• Says his favourite book is 'Animal Farm' by George Orwell (Translation: he's not read a book since the first assignment of English GCSE)
• Scream sneezes
• Has a more extensive hair- or skincare routine than you do
• Has been to Thailand or Bali more than once
• Ever owns or drinks from one of those travel bottles that is also a sippy cup
• Is in the gym multiple times a day 

Those are just some of my own personal icks that have saved me a lot of time and hassle with men who just weren’t right for me. And now I am passing this on to you, and everyone who has to date men in this day and age – you are so welcome. 

Anyway, I hope your soon-to-be-ex takes the news well and try to resist the urge to clap as he walks out the door. 

Love you long time, 

Auntie Fenella xxx 

READ MORE...

This article first appeared in the September edition of Connect Magazine, which you can read in full below...