“It’s not therapy, it’s ordinary blokes coming together”

Tuesday 19 February 2019

A group of “ordinary blokes” who meet once a month to chat over a cup of tea and break down stigma surrounding male mental health are now looking to help even more men through their problems.

'Menspace' - as the group is known - will now be holding meetings outside of business hours to be more accessible.

The group was founded in August 2018 by Rikki Du Heaume and Dave Crocker over a simple premise: bringing guys together over a cup of tea, so they can talk about their mental health with no stigma attached

Rikki first came up with the idea after he learned of a Seattle café which saves seats for men to sit when they want to talk about their mental health. Rikki said: “Men are less likely to seek help due in large to age old stigmas, however we make up 75% of suicides. Nothing was available solely for men, so we set up Menspace.”

“We’re not exclusive,” says Dave. “The key message is that to attend you need to be male, 18 or more and need space!”

Pictured: Rikki Du Heaume and Dave Crocker set up Menspace in August 2018.

The group aims to give attendees a safe space, somewhere they can come to if they need to talk, or just need company, with no obligation to come back or talk if they don’t want to.

“We have a living experience of mental health and understand how hard it can be first to seek help and then be stuck on the long lists for appointments, if we can be a useful tool for someone then we are doing something right,” Rikki explains.

“It’s not therapy, it’s ordinary blokes coming together,” Dave, who also volunteers at Mind Jersey, adds. “We all have different issues, but we don’t necessarily sit here talking about them. Sometimes it’s just about a diversion from your mental health.”

Pictured: Menspace aims to give attendees a safe space where they can be comfortable.

“What people don’t realize is that mental health is so isolating, it’s about feeling connected,” Dave continues. “It’s a space where you can come and just be, where we can remember to be compassionate with ourselves and build up a toolbox of coping mechanisms.”

One of the regular attendees says it has been amazing to have a space where he can feel comfortable to share what he wants to. “It’s good to have that human connection and not feel judged because we judge ourselves so much,” he explained.

“It’s a little bit of light in a dark space, or an oasis. We have all felt stress or anxiety, it is important to remember that life goes on, that it gets better and that not every day is all doom and gloom."

Pictured: "It's ok not to be ok," reminds one of the groups regular attendees.

Rikki and Dave also hope to help break the stigma surrounding mental health, to make sure people do not alienate themselves. “What men usually hear is they you need to ‘man up’ or just get back to work. But mental health does not discriminate. It can hit anybody.”

“There is nothing wrong with talking about your mental health,” Rikki adds. “We want to break down the barriers so that people realise your mental health is important whether you are a man or woman.”

“It might sound cliché, but, it’s ok not to be ok,” adds one of the group's members. “Sometimes you can still be alone in a room full of people. But it’s important to know you are not the only one feeling like that. You might identify with someone in a group and find that it helps. We all go there with different life experiences.”

While the group originally met every third Thursday at 10:30 at Beresford Street Kitchen, they have now added another slot, out of working hours to make it more accessible. Starting from tomorrow, they will be at Springfield Stadium Café one evening a month.

But they are hoping to grow the group even further, and maybe become a charity. “It would be amazing to have a drop-in hub where you could go whenever you need to talk or not be alone,” one man adds. “You would only need lighting, a front door and a kettle,” suggests Dave. “It’s low cost, high win.”