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In a fishing crisis on a scale not seen in over half a century in Jersey, eyes from across the map were on the island, with thousands of comments racking up online. Here are some of the hottest, funniest takes.
Maybe the best answers weren't with Jersey's Ministers after all - maybe instead, they were with that eternal fountain of knowledge and wisdom, social media.
Express has trawled the depths of Twitter to dredge up some of the thoughts, observations and comments making up the conversation - as well as the airtight solution the island missed...
For some, it was an education on the ins and outs of Jersey life, with comedian David Baddiel making a shocking admission about his lack of local knowledge...
So today is the day when I've become properly acquainted with the term Bailiwick. Previously, I had assumed it was a lesser-known character from Harry Potter.
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 6, 2021
Fortunately for the uninitiated, local writer, poet and former-Express reporter Martha MacDonald was on hand to give a breakdown of events for anyone outside looking in...
A poetic take on the Jersey - France fishing row from me, a real-life Jersey person ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/FAvTHrEd75
— Martha MacDonald (@marthabmacd) May 6, 2021
Moving from poetry to music, others had a similarly lyrical perspective of the blockade...
This footage from Jersey is astonishing pic.twitter.com/gO4nqQwVwq
— Jake Johnstone (@hijakejohnstone) May 6, 2021
Mamma Mia...eanwhile, the 'RAF Luton', self-proclaimed as "the world's most mysterious and secret (and fictitious) military base" was also on hand to assist the UK Navy ships monitoring events, bringing with them a flawless disguise to leave the world's best strategists in awe...
BREAKING: HMS Sinky has joined HMS Warboat off the coast of Jersey to covertly infiltrate (disguised as a fishing boat) the enemy and gain vital information about the fishing boats attack plans. pic.twitter.com/OHnPoZ4tnl
— RAF_Luton (@RAF_Luton) May 6, 2021
Looking at the island's own boating industry, with seemingly an entire hoard of national journalists setting their sights on Jersey, Condor CEO Paul Luxon made the gravity of the day's events clear to one reporter...
Henry Samuel, a Telegraph journalist reporting from the sea-level of the French ships, had some complimentary words for his French companions...
I think I will far more likely die from the fumes of my flatulent, chain-smoking French fishing companions than Royal Navy cannonball fire. That said, they’re a very welcoming bunch.
— Henry Samuel (@H_E_Samuel) May 6, 2021
Another reporter on the scene, Matthew Champion, expressed his surprise at just how essential a vessel tracker had become to his work...
things I couldn't have predicted when starting at VICE last year: how https://t.co/UzpqRfdZyM would become such an essential news source pic.twitter.com/D666RQpjnw
— Matthew Champion (@matthewchampion) May 6, 2021
On the subject of the ships that were involved, it seemed one of the tabloids was involved in a bizarre high-stakes game of Top Trumps with itself, much to the confusion of users...
Top Trumps used to be more fun. https://t.co/ngY4C8IMc5
— Chris Cook (@xtophercook) May 6, 2021
The island's hospitality industry was already looking to capitalise on Jersey's newfound fame, with The Club Hotel releasing details of an exciting cross-Channel themed staycation...
Exciting news today! #staycation #JerseyBlockade #jerseyci #theclubjersey pic.twitter.com/mJ00hq6UTT
— theclubjsy (@theclubjsy) May 6, 2021
Jersey businesswoman and owner of aMaizin' Adventure Park, Kristina Le Feuvre, expressed her island pride...
Catching up on local news, bloody glad I put my flags up yesterday! pic.twitter.com/rWdvk3H44e
— Kristina Le Feuvre (@Krislefeuvre) May 6, 2021
Real Housewife Dr Tessa Hartmann CBE decided she knew the real root of the issue - her own television programme, and other parties "fishing for attention"...
Sacré bleu #EmmauelMacron #Jersey #RHOJersey @RHOJersey #Series2 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? #fishingforattention pic.twitter.com/OQKrN0IiUy
— Dr. Tessa Hartmann CBE (@TessaHartmann) May 6, 2021
Diplomatic sanctions were one observer's solution to the crisis, matching France's threat to cut off the electricity by taking away an even more vital resource from them...
Breaking: Jersey will be recalling all their cows from France. A spokesman said that this was a necessary measure to prevent the French milking any more from the crisis.
— Don (@Don_MacKenzie__) May 6, 2021
On a more catastrophic level, the account for the BBC's 'Have I Got News for You' suggested that the blockade was only the first step in a war that could only end in nuclear oblivion...
June 2022: Pivotal moment in the Channel Islands War as British forces advance on Jersey Zoo. No 10 authorises use of nuclear weapons after French troops capture large bucket of mackerel.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 6, 2021
Financial Times Chief Political Correspondent, Jim Pickard, also anticipated that the war would be something generations would speak of...
can’t wait to tell my future grandchildren about the War of Jersey
— Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) May 6, 2021
... and perhaps the stories Mr Pickard would be telling his grandchildren, would be punctuated by these inspiring words from 'DIMBLEBOT'...
“WE SHALL FIGHT THEM ON THE BEACHES, WE SHALL FIGHT THEM AT BENEST’S OF MILLBROOK AND FINEPRICE, ST CLEMENT’S COAST ROAD”
— DIMBLEBOT (@DIMBLEBOT) May 5, 2021
Anticipating the great battle, Jersey YouTuber 'sips' was bracing himself to be conscripted for the army...
just preparing for a fun summer in jersey pic.twitter.com/JydBi1H2D3
— sips (@Sips_) May 5, 2021
...conscription being a situation which the Telegraph's cartoonist soon was illustrating...
'It's this damned Jersey fishing war. I'm afraid you've been called up'
— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) May 6, 2021
My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph
Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons: https://t.co/JNDhrYJMFH pic.twitter.com/xSobjtdNKh
Football pundit Gary (Salt and) Lineker sent his best wishies to the fishies... which led to a football/piracy-inspired proposal to solve the crisis...
V
— James Mitchinson (@JayMitchinson) May 6, 2021
A
Rrrrrrrrrrr
Perhaps the growing hysteria around the potential 'Battle for Jersey' was best captured by local artist Will Bertram (instagram: @billwertram), who turned to the ever-reliable Simpsons to sum up the Bailiwick's mood...
Some saw the greener side of a potential war, with the Financial Times' Sebastian Payne espousing the virtues of one of the Navy warships keep an eye on the island...
Fact of the day: @hms_tamar is the UK's greenest warship — catalytic converters reduced engine emissions by 95%. Its deployment to Jersey is perfect ahead of the COP26 climate summit.
— Sebastian Payne (@SebastianEPayne) May 6, 2021
To better reflect this changing shift in global relations and power dynamics, journalist Sam Morgan suggested some tweaks to the cover of the latest Economist...
However, despite a number of creative solutions and observations on the issue, it seemed social media was united on one thing only - that it was time to bring Jersey's true hero out of retirement to sort things out...
I’m told the next stage of Johnson’s plan is to bring Jim Bergerac out of retirement.
— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 6, 2021
— Tony Shepherd (@tonysheps) May 5, 2021
Comments
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