Select a region
In this edition of her column, Fenella has a close encounter which almost threatens to ruin her Christmas spirit.
"Dear Diary,
Stop the press, hold the phone and interrupt all scheduled programming for this, once-in-a-lifetime, pinch-me-I-must-be-dreaming, breaking news flash:
Fenella Bond (that’s me) is IN LOVE!!!!
Everyone, and I mean everyone, thought it wasn’t possible. Including my mother, my therapist, my friends and my dentist, but they can all GET LOST, because I’ve got love coming out of my ears! Ew. That was more gross than intended but you get my point.
If love was a golf course I just golfed (?) a hole-in-one – see?! I’m so deliriously giddy I’m talking in GOLF metaphors and I didn’t even say anything mean about the stupid outfits they wear to do little to no physical activity!!!
Pictured: I am looking forward to the Christmas present from my boyfriend this year!!
Phew. I just can’t believe it. But let me tell you the whole story right from the beginning. As you know, I’ve been dating Shorty (Shortbread, Shortcake, Shorts McGee – I haven’t settled on a nickname yet) for a few months now and things have been going great. We had our first fight and our first making-up by making-out sesh (if you catch my drift *wink wink*) and things were going really great.
Yet again, I’ve managed to perfectly time having a boyfriend with the festive season which means I GET A BIG SPARKLY PRESENT! YAY FOR LOVE! Let’s go back to the start so you can fully appreciate the dreamscape I’m currently living in...
Due to family plans and, well, you know, he and I decided to reschedule Christmas for a little earlier in the month. We’d arranged to spend the morning in town, heading to a wine tasting and later having dinner together for ultimate footsie under the table, festive flirting and, most importantly, exchanging gifts...
Pictured: The day felt like a scene out of a Christmas romance.
Everything was going perfectly. We looked like a couple straight out of a catalogue, walking through town together arm-in-arm. I don’t tend to be swayed by all this Christmas-themed romance malarkey, but in that moment with him I would happily have stepped onto a sleigh to vanish into the distance with a sparkle and a twinkle.
We were just tucking into some takeaway mulled wine (warming up the taste buds for later) when it happened. One of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, accompanied by the tiniest dog I’ve ever seen, strode out into the square and was walking towards us, beaming a dazzling smile. Not recognising her, I looked to my rom-com co-star for reassurance.
Like a deer in the headlights, all I could hear was him muttering “oh boy” under his breath, before feigning a smile and greeting the supermodel-esque beauty before us. I grabbed hold of his arm a little tighter as if to brace myself for what was about to unfold, but honestly it didn’t help.
“Well, hello stranger!” Her voice made her even sexier. Dammit. I felt like a pipsqueak in her presence – and I was wearing thigh-high boots! I was looking at him and her and suddenly it all clicked: this vision in faux fur was his ex.
“Piper, hi,” he offered, reluctantly, “and hello, Maxwell,” he said with more enthusiasm to the little rat-dog she was carrying.
Her iridescent eyes fell on me and I instantly felt unworthy. She smiled again.
“And you must be Fenella. I’ve heard so much about you.”
Compliment or threat? You decide. I could only muster a girlish giggle, but I wished I’d had the wherewithal to snap back some witty retort. Thankfully, Shortcake took the hit: “I’m not surprised that her reputation precedes her – she’s pretty cool! Piper, this is Fenella. Fenella, Piper.”
This certainly was not an approved scene in my Christmas rom-com, thank you very much!
Pictured: The appearance of Piper and her tiny dog threatened to ruin my perfect festive day.
I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead and I think my knees were trembling more than Maxwell’s. They chatted back and forth for a little while and I stumbled over my words when Piper shot a question my way. My hackles slightly raised at the fourth time she touched his arm and looked him dead in the eyes, saying, “I’ve missed you,” before we all parted ways.
Later, ahead of the wine-tasting, he brought up our fun little encounter.
“About earlier—”
I cut him off.
“Please, let’s not get into it. It’s all good. Living here, you’re bound to run into your past on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like Ebeneezer Scrooge!” I was rambling, Christmas-styles.
“No, Fenella, I want to talk about it. I know that must have been daunting for you, but I want you to know that whatever Piper and I had, is fully in the past. I don’t have a bad word to say about her, but it’s over. In a way, I’m grateful, because all those experiences I’ve had have taught me how to love now—”
He suddenly looked wide-eyed and embarrassed. His cheeks glowed rosy à la sexy Santa vibes (let’s not unpack that).
My heart was pounding. “What did you just say?”
He was clearly out of his depth. Darty eyes, nervous laughter – I thought he might bolt out of the bar at any moment.
“I, er, I said that it’s taught me, er, love. I—I love you, Fenella. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Tears filled my eyes, but for once they weren’t rejection or heartbreak tears, they were joyous. And even though I hadn’t used waterproof mascara, I just let them run and run.
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you just said that to me.”
He still looked terrified and I realised I’d left him hanging big time.
“Oh f*ck, I mean, I love you too. Of course, I do!” His worry melted into laughter and I started to feel all warm and fuzzy inside (oh give over, I’m only human!!).
Pictured: The night ended with some merry glasses of wine.
We kissed and then got really drunk on fancy wines – and if that’s not a Christmas miracle, I don’t know what is.
Lovestruck, giddy and very, very merry, but always yours,
Fenella xxx"
